Ranting on my life

I am only talking on here because i have not posted anything personal in a while. I feel so alone and upset with everything. I am FAT as in over 250 pounds im sure. I am so upset cause i was last year like 190 and was so confident with myself. I am always saying i can lose it and never fall through. I feel like i am alone in this world. I have lost so many friends and pushed a lot away. I only have two BEST friends and i am grateful for them its just we cant ralk all the time you know. It sucks cause one of them is ten hours away and is loving life the way i never could and the other one is close to me but we are always busy. I feel like i am never going to fucking pass the PERMIT TO DRIVE and i am 19! I took it three times and dont know how to drive and i am embarassed by it and dont want to keep going only to fail. I feel like all i have in life is literally my passion for Disney. Thats it. I love my family and all but i only feel close to very few of them. I love my life for the parts where my parents give me everything and take me to disney all the time and cruises and concerts and all kinds of things but i feel like thats it. Like i am alwys foing down memory lane to see the awful things that have happened to me in school and stuff. It breaks me everyday and i always hope i wake up to be my own alter ego but it never happens! I recently lost my faith entirely because the church i went to made me expect too much and it was too much for me. I wish i could just make a deal with god and start my life all over again and undo things like me being fat and Tking my permit when i had the chance and things like that no matter what the cost

Billy Ray Cyrus As Robby Stewart - Hannah Montana